I chuckled to myself when the realization struck that in a few weeks I will be a grandmother and this will be the state of my car when Larry and Son come to visit.
Am I ready to add 'grandmother' to my list of who I am?
I don't know.
I'm ready to be referred to as a grandmother, but I don't think I'm ready to be the gray-haired-wrinkled-faced-cookie-baking-shuffle-walking woman that I picture in my mind when I hear the word 'grandmother'. Yes, I know, that is a stereotype.
But, what is a grandmother? What is her purpose? I'm all about purpose. I clean and organize with purpose. I buy things that will serve a purpose, if they won't serve a purpose then I don't buy them. I do things with purpose. So what will my purpose be as a grandmother? What do you do as a grandmother when you're twelve hundred miles apart? How do you become a part of your grandchild's life when there is so much physical distance between you and them?
They say payback is heck. I suppose this is what I get for not making a more concerted effort at fostering a closer bond between my parents, who lived seventeen hundred miles away, and Daughter as she was growing up. Sure we made yearly or semi-yearly visits when she was a child but that was about it.
I know that with technology being what it is, Skype and Facetime, talking over the phone or computer is almost as good as being there. Almost. Once the conversation is over, I'm left with an empty feeling. Kinda like having a piece of cake without the cream cheese frosting, good but something is missing.
In retrospect, I should have sent Daughter out to visit my parents without me in tow so she could have learned to speak Spanish. I should've spent more time creating cute cards and making phone calls to them so that they wouldn't be virtual strangers now. I should have pressed the issue of my parents coming to see us more than twice in Daughter's lifetime.
I should have. Pretty sad those three words.
Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't RSVP to this Poor Pitiful Me Party I'm throwing for myself?
Yikes! I'm sorry, I'll be sure and check the guest list next time I throw another one of these little soirées. Thank you for indulging me, anyway.